Dear Duane,

What is my purpose in life?

Clueless
Gainesville, Oregon.

Dear Clueless,

Why, to serve Jason (of jason.mallory.net)of course. Sell all your personal belongings and give him the money. Then devote the rest of your life to telling others about his wonderful teaching and the enlightenment he has brought to your sad dark life.

Adios!
Duane.

Dear Duane.

Why do they call them soda crackers if they're not made with soda?

Fizzy
San Francisco, California

Dear Fizzy,

May 9th, 1896, Dr. Wilhelm Sebastian Soda, in a failed attempt to create a transdermal laxative, inadvertenly creates a new cracker. People love them so much they name them after him. In no small coincedence, Jason,(of jason.mallory.net) was born exactly 80 years later.

Adios!
Duane.

Dear Duane.

Why is the sky blue?
Cumulus
Miami, Florida

Dear Cumulus,

So it will match with the oceans. Why else?

Adios!
Duane.

Dear Duane.

If my head ever got completely screwed around backwards, would they have to go back to the proverbial drawing board on chair designs?
Nearly headless
Sleepy Hollow, New York

Dear Nearly headless,

The real question here is: If your head ever got completely screwed on backwards, would anyone notice? I doubt it. And since there aren't teams of funiture engineers currently trying to work out the problem now, I seriously doubt a 3 or 4 degree shift of your head will make them start.

Adios!
Duane.

Dear Duane.

Why does Jason call Trevor's Papasian chair "The Fuck Chair"?
Horny Henry
Humpville, New Hampshire

Dear Horny Henry,

Because he isn't quite sure how to pronounce the word "papasian".

Adios!
Duane.

Dear Duane.

What should a person do when he has too much time on his hands?
Guestbook Signer,
Infinite Time

Dear Guestbook Signer,

Well, he could bide his time signing the guestbook on Trevor Walker's Homepage. Or he could ask me inane questions. But, when a person has too much time on his hands, he should take up a hobby. A list of hobbies that might be good for you would include: Painting, basket weaving, compulsive gambling, russian roulette, cow-tipping, masterbation, and the devotion of your life(and money) to Jason Mallory.

Adios!
Duane.