If you spot any of the following suspects, contact Jason.Mallory.Net immediately. Do not approach. All suspects are thought to have two arms and dangerous.
For attempted food poisoning
(Through undercooked chicken)
Chris O'Brien AKA Big Daddy AKA Freak!
Height: 6'3"
Hair: Parted
Eyes: Two.
Distinguishing Marks: "666" Birthmark on top of head.
Reward for capture: $0.69
For sabotage of computer equipment
(Just by standing next to it.)
Trevor Walker AKA Trevor the Walker AKA Trevor Walker, Texas Ranger
AKA Trevor--scholar, gentleman, friend, brother, Walker.
AKA Little Fry AKA Cookie
Height: 6'2"
Hair: Yes, it's real.
Eyes: Crossed
Distinguishing Marks:Full-size tattoo of a butt on his butt.
Reward for capture: $16.37 in pennies, two pounds of mongolian beaver cheese, and a free T-shirt.
For being so darn good-looking
(oh yeah, and for seven counts of felonious jaywalking and one count of illegal use of a toaster.)
Jason Mallory AKA George AKA Mothership
Height: Tall
Hair: Short
Eyes: Before E's except after C's
Distinguishing Marks: Toaster burn marks on body.
Reward for capture: Yeah, Right!
Copyright 1998 Ceramic Surprise Ltd.
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